


To Die For

by fullsvh



Category: NCT, NCT Dream, dreamies - Fandom, nctzens - Fandom
Genre: Aged Up NCT Dream, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, One Shot, Slight alcohol intoxication, Song To die for by sam smith, i hurt myself like that, implied/referenced panic attack, markhyuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:08:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25016737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fullsvh/pseuds/fullsvh
Summary: It’s one of those nights for Mark. When the pain is just unbearable and he does the only thing to relieve it: text his ex, Lee Donghyuck, and beg him to come back.
Relationships: Markhyuck - Relationship
Comments: 10
Kudos: 40
Collections: Short Little One Shots Based on Songs





	1. Please come back

**Author's Note:**

> Two notes: 
> 
> 1\. Depiction of panic attack starts at "Sometimes on random days...", you can skip it and proceed to the next paragraph. 
> 
> 2\. Implied death, nothing too explicit. This work is inspired by Sam Smith's To Die For. Have fun?

_**I look for you, every day, every night** _

> [text reads]
> 
> **my sunshine**
> 
> _1:03 AM_
> 
>   
> I miss you.
> 
> I miss your smile, your laugh,
> 
> bitch I even miss your pranks.
> 
> I miss the way you smell of cinnamon and coffee even on evenings and hot afternoons.
> 
> I miss the feel of your skin against mine
> 
> Heck I’ll even let you play with my ears if it means I can feel your touch again.
> 
> Haechan, my sunshine. I miss you.
> 
> I miss you.
> 
> Please come back.
> 
> Come back to me, its been so lonely without you.

**_I close my eyes, from the fear, from the light_ **

> [text reads]
> 
> **my sunshine**
> 
> _1:14 AM_
> 
>   
> These nights are so hard.
> 
> I’ve been convincing myself to sleep thinking if I woke up the next day,
> 
> it would have all been a bad dream, and you’d still be by my side.
> 
> The bed feels bigger
> 
> Its emptier
> 
> Its colder
> 
> Most nights im so scared to close my eyes only to open it without seeing you again.
> 
> And some nights I don't wanna open my eyes because behind closed eye lids, I see you.
> 
> Donghyuck, why?
> 
> Where did it go wrong?
> 
> Where did we go wrong?
> 
> How can I have you back?

_**As I wander down the avenue so confused, guess I'll try and force a smile** _

Mark closes his phone, knowing he’ll never get a reply. Its been a year. He involuntary lets out a whimper from the pain. His number has already been blocked from Hyuck’s phone.

Sometimes on random days, no, on sunny days, when the day is exceptionally well, being in a crowd scares him. His breathing hitches and he feels a disgusting churn in the pit of his stomach. He finds himself unable to breathe as unwanted memories come, triggered by the mass of bodies bumping on him.

On warm days, Hyuck would take him to parks and play or have a picnic. Or just walk the streets of the neighborhood, telling Mark stories, some tall tales and some memories from his childhood. He never really runs out of stories. And if he’s not telling stories, he would ask Mark questions, like the journalist that he is. Sometimes it scares Mark how quick witted his questions are but most of the time he finds it endearing.

These memories hunt Mark tonight, as most memories from the seven years he’s been Hyuck does, as he lay on his bed in a fetal position. Nobody was there to mind, but he smelled strongly of alcohol and his suit and tie were a mess.

If Hyuck was there, he’d scold him for even thinking of laying down on the bed with his outdoor clothes on, and much more scolding because he reeks of alcohol and the smell would transfer on the bed.

“Mark Lee, you are sO dead.” He would say if he ever finds out.

Mark gives a faint smile and tightens his grip on his knees. He didn’t even realize he had closed his eyes from reliving the memories. He opens it and sees the phone next to him. The screen still blank, a reply never came for the past year.

_**Pink lemonade sipping on a Sunday, couples holding hands on a runway** _

Mark closes his eyes again. If he tried to stop it, it only hurts him more, so he lets the memories flow down with his tears.

Memories of Hyuck glowing under the sun as they visit that one botanical garden in Dallas. The weather was great, and even though Haechan was wearing a white long sleeve shirt, the sun still made his skin glow where it touches it, added to that was the smile that was plastered on his face at every little thing they in the garden.

The best was the lane made from bent trees. It was a magical walkway they had to themselves. It wasn’t much, but Haechan hooked his pinky finger with Mark's while they walked slowly on that short pathway that lead to a clearing with giant frog fountains. It was so endearing to be hold like that. Mark felt loved. He always loved the small ways Haechan clung to him, and the little things that made his heart beat.

Oh how he loved Haechan that moment. The silence of the lane, the sun on his skin, the stars in his eyes, his little pinky hooked with his.

He couldn’t be blamed when, at the end of the lane, just as they entered the clearing, he turned Hyuck to himself and kissed him.

_**They're all posing in a picture frame whilst my world's crashing down,** _

He remembers that time at the beach. It was just supposed to be a short stop to inhale the salt-scented air and view the seaweed sea, but Haechan kinda messed up and got his clothes wet. They had nothing to anyway so he dragged Mark into the water too.

The older was annoyed at first because this wasn’t part of their plan and they had a long day ahead. They had no change of clothes with them, to top it off.

But how could he stay mad when sun kissed skin and happiness look so beautiful on Haechan.

_**Solo shadow on a sidewalk, just want somebody to die for** _

  
The sadness came washing over him on top of the cold empty blanket of the night. It was physically impossible to crumple himself more than he already had.

He tightens his grip on himself as he felt his heart swell. He couldn’t contain the emotions. He always thought that letting it flow was the best way, but it was always a torture.

He’s left with too much love but no one to give it to. If he knew Haechan was gonna leave him too soon, he would have poured out his love harder, with no reserve. Not even the stares and stinky eyes they get when they publicly display their love. Not even their parents’ disappointment would stop him.

If he had any fights with Donghyuck, it was all petty and it was not a memory that came easily to him. He loved him too much to remember anything bad about the younger boy.

And now he’s cried his eyes out for the nth time that year. And tonight of all nights, the negative feelings came through.

He felt angry at being left alone. He felt appalled. He even felt betrayed.

But alas, it didn’t last long.

Tonight, his mind finally decided, he just wanted attention. It was a craving gnawing inside of him.

He opened his eyes and grabbed his phone again. It opened to their conversation, where he closed it.

_**Sunshine living on a perfect day while my world's crashing down** _

> [text reads]
> 
> **my sunshine**
> 
> _1:49 AM_
> 
> Sunshine,
> 
> If you ever read this
> 
> Know that I miss you every day of my life
> 
> For the past year
> 
> I just want you to come back
> 
> One more day, please ?
> 
> I'm selfish, I know.
> 
> One more day I can shower you with love
> 
> One more day I can pull a prank,
> 
> and maybe have your share of your prank too.
> 
> One more day of just lazily walking the streets and talking about anything,
> 
> even your random vocabulary.
> 
> One more night of love and cuddles
> 
> Oh please I need one more night to love you
> 
> One more night of feeling I am loved by you
> 
> One more night under the sheets
> 
> and chase away the coldness that settles on your side of the bed

_**I just want somebody to die for** _

> [text reads]
> 
> **my sunshine**
> 
> _2:06 AM_
> 
> Please, i want you
> 
> I want to feel thrill of being with you
> 
> I want to feel the love I have for you knowing you’re receiving it
> 
> I want to feel I’m ready to die for you
> 
> Hyuck,
> 
> Its so unfair.
> 
> I just want somebody to die for
> 
> And that’s you
> 
> _2:15 AM_
> 
> But you beat me to it.
> 
> \- Fin -


	2. Epilogue

Mark woke up to the mid-day sun with a splitting headache and the memories of last night. Sun shone in his apartment illuminating the picture frame on the dresser at the foot of his bed. He sat up and looked at it with some sleep still in his eyes.

He scrunched his nose hoping to see it better, and once his eyes has adjusted at the light.

It was a candid shot of his engagement with Donghyuk three years before, but the memory is as clear as the sun shining in his room, even with the intoxication from the night before, it was easy to remember any Hyuck memory he has.

They were at the at a park. Mark was sitting by a swing with his guitar, wearing a brown denim jacket, and Haechan was singing to him in his black leather jacket.

_Candlelight_

Mark remembered they were singing Candlelight. He smiled a sad smile at the memory.

When it was done, he put down his guitar and knelt on one knee. Hyuck thought he was just tying his shoelace, he said after the proposal. They were caught on cam by one of the campers who were there.

_Sir Moon Taeil_

Mark remembers. Mark would always remember.

The pain of living is not only trying survive alone.

The pain comes in recalling a memory alone when it was a memory shared with a special other half.

This is not a great day, Mark thought, but so were the last 365 days.

He looked at his phone to see the time, but instead of an empty screen he saw a text.

**my sunshine**

He opened his phone real fast. Not even catching a glimpse of the preview of the message.

He opened it, and although he knew he it can’t be true that Hyuck replied, it still broke his heart reading the message.

[text reads]

> **my sunshine**
> 
> _10:15 AM_
> 
> Mark,
> 
> This is Taeyong,
> 
> I know the death anniversary was yesterday
> 
> I just want to let you know that the car accident was not your fault
> 
> It isn’t anybody’s fault.
> 
> and that I’m letting go of this number
> 
> It would be open again for others
> 
> So try not to text it again.
> 
> It’s for the better,
> 
> For us
> 
> My brother loved you very much
> 
> And I do too.
> 
> Onwards to healing for us
> 
> I’m sorry.
> 
> I’d also say happy wedding anniversary,
> 
> but you both never really got to marry that day

**Author's Note:**

> Again this work is inspired by Sam Smith's To Die For. Hope you enjoyed it! I'm trying to write prompts based on songs. Do you recommend something? Also, leave me some of your thoughts please? Thank you for reading!


End file.
